My show '50 Years of Showbiz Steve' is around 50 minutes of standup upon the subject of my both, unremarked and unremarkable, 50-year (that is IF you count my first starring appearance as 'Gluck' in the 'Legend of The North Wind' at Loxdale Primary School in 1976, which I DO) career in showbiz. And YES, I've not heard of me, either. I've not even got a podcast, let alone a deal to write shoddy novels that only sell because of my face being on them.

Not so much making waves, more skimming house bricks across the shallow pond of showbiz. 'Showbiz Steve' has been happier than 'Steve Steve' has ever been, if only during those few precious minutes when the curtain has lifted and he has stood, Blanche Dubois-like 'relying on the validation of strangers'.

Is there 'no business like showbusiness?' and, if so, should I carry on (in late-great Tommy Cooper-stylee) in-harness to the last curtain call, or should this be the last lap of a showbiz also-ran that would ultimately be happier being put out to pasture. And, more importantly, does anybody 'give a monkey's **&&!!! either way?